I am having a rough time today and this time it is different from anything I have ever experienced. I do not have ridiculous urges to eat a ton of junk which would be the normal "crisis." The problem is that I have a great deal of despair about what I am doing. I do not feel like I am doing enough. I know that is really dumb considering a recent post I made about having some early success making baby steps. It is just the way I feel. I am doing some exercise and that is an accomplishment knowing where I have come from. I have confidence that I will continue to make progress with that. I am doing really good on the amount of food I am eating. I guess it comes down to what I am eating. It basically amounts to 2-3 sandwiches a day. I can survive on that. That is not the problem. The problem is I know it is way to much bread and it probably is not anywhere near being correct nutritionally. The real issue is I fear that despite not eating all that much I will get to the end of the week with minimal results. If that happens I do not have confidence that I will take it well. I said to myself at the very beginning that this was going to be a program built around me educating myself. Setting up a proper balance in my diet has to be something I address right now.
The solution? I intend to go shopping tomorrow. That basic life task is something I avoid like a plague.
Additionally my normal description of shopping is running in and grabbing a couple loaves of bread and some lunch meat. Hot dogs used to be included at every grocery store stop but not any more. That has to be the perfect fat guy food. If I am feeling really crafty that day I might snag a box of spaghetti and a jar of sauce.
The shopping I need to do tomorrow is a little different. I need to actually look around and find a few things that are healthy and possible for me to prepare. The thought of it is very unappealing to me.
The funny/tragic thing is that I really do like fairly healthy food. It is just a matter of convenience and skill that in the past I would end up with garbage food. I do enjoy eating vegetables and I have no idea what they cost even. Because I do not buy them. Something sensible and a little pile of vegetables would satisfy me during a meal very nicely. How could someone who considers themselves not stupid take 41 years to realize a basic fact of life.
The changes continue..........Good Talk.
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